Relationship Therapy in Victoria, BC

If the same conflicts keep repeating, if you feel disconnected even when you're together, or if you're questioning whether this relationship can work—you're not failing. You're stuck in patterns that can shift.

What You're Experiencing vs. What's Driving It

You're dealing with the same arguments on repeat. Or escalating conflicts that end with someone shutting down or walking away. Maybe you feel like roommates—functioning but disconnected. Maybe one of you pursues and the other withdraws. Maybe the intimacy is gone, or trust has been broken, or you're questioning if you even want to stay.

Most relationship therapy focuses on communication skills. Active listening, I-statements, conflict de-escalation techniques. Those can help in the moment, but they don't change the underlying patterns.

What's usually driving relationship struggles:

Attachment wounds—early experiences taught you that closeness is dangerous, or that you need to pursue to feel secure, or that expressing needs leads to rejection.
Defensive patterns from childhood—the ways you learned to protect yourself (withdrawing, attacking, placating) that now sabotage connection.
Insecurity showing up as jealousy, control, or constant need for reassurance.
Unresolved hurts creating distance, resentment, or guardedness.

These aren't relationship skills problems. They're emotional patterns encoded in both of your nervous systems. That's why learning better communication doesn't fix them. You need to work with what's creating the patterns in the first place.

How This Approach Works for Relationships

I use methods from Gottman and experiential approaches. This means working on two levels: the practical and behavioral patterns in your relationship, and the emotional dynamics underneath.

On the practical side, this looks like identifying the specific cycles you're stuck in—how conflict escalates, how bids for connection get missed, how repair attempts fail. Building actual skills: how to communicate needs clearly, how to listen when you're triggered, how to de-escalate before things blow up, how to reconnect after conflict.

On the emotional side, we work with what's driving those patterns. Your attachment histories—what each of you learned about closeness, conflict, and expressing needs. The fears and hurts that show up as defensiveness, withdrawal, or criticism. The moments where vulnerability is needed but feels too risky.

We don't just talk about these. We work with them as they happen in sessions—noticing when patterns show up live, creating new experiences where you actually attune to each other differently, helping each of you understand what's happening in your partner's nervous system when they shut down or escalate.

The methods I use—Gottman for understanding relationship dynamics and building skills, AEDP, somatic work, and Coherence Therapy for working with emotional patterns and attachment—give you both practical tools and deeper shifts in how you relate.

You'll leave with things you can actually do differently. And you'll understand each other at a level that makes those tools actually work.

This Approach Works Best If:

✓ You've tried communication skills without lasting change

✓ You're stuck in the same patterns no matter how hard you try

✓ One or both of you shuts down or escalates during conflict

✓ You want to understand what's actually driving your struggles

✓ You're committed to doing the work, even when it's uncomfortable

✓ You're both willing to look at your own patterns, not just your partner's

This May Not Be Right If:

– You're looking for quick conflict resolution techniques only

– One partner isn't willing to participate

– You want to stay at the surface level rather than work with deeper patterns

– You're seeking someone to determine who's right or wrong

Ready to Start?

If you recognize yourself in what you've read here and want to work at this level, get in touch.

Get Started

Fees:

Couples therapy: $190/session (50 min) | $265/session (80 min) $5 discount when paying by e-transfer

Insurance: As an RCC and CCC, my services are covered by most extended health plans in Canada.

I provide receipts for insurance reimbursement.

Limited sliding scale available for financial need.